CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
The Squire purchased a Princess from Baron McGoat for a single gold coin many years ago and since then the villagers of Smallvillia and Dullford have paid through the nose for this folly.
Princess Wranglers have been and gone, trying to tame the Princess and bring her spending under control, but to no avail. What can be done?
Act Two. Scene Twelve.
The stage revolves to reveal the village green and the entire cast are on the stage.
Robyn Hoodie steps forward and slaps her thigh – It seems the Squire is flexing his muscle,
Doing his best to continue this hustle.
All we ask is sensible debate,
To try to make this tangled web straight.
But every time we try to speak,
The Squire by dubious means havoc doth wreak
Attempts to silence those who desire,
To stop the Princess costs rising higher.
Using intimidation and threat,
His tried and trusted means to get,
Everything his own way,
Even if the poor must pay,
More money to keep the Princess jolly.
How much longer must we endure this folly?
Villager – My dear Robyn, many of us agree,
It’s time to end this spending spree.
We have some options – four or five.
All we want is to strive,
To bring an end to the deficiency,
And make our Princess work more efficiently.
We could sell her off to some old mug,
Or simply evict her and pull the plug.
Turn her lavish rooms into flats.
Or take her away from the bureaucrats.
And give a group of villagers the chance,
Our Princess’ abilities to enhance.
A stranger appears in their midst. He is heavily disguised behind a mask and cloak.
Stranger – What is this I hear? Oh my, oh my.
You think the Squire is a nasty guy?
You are claiming he’s a bully,
His reputation you try to sully.
I can assure you I know him well,
And these rumours I need to quell.
He’s a lovely man, a genuine Saint,
A cad and bully he really ain’t.
I really must insist,
From all this you do desist.
The Squire has friends in higher places,
Who will help him wipe those smiles from your faces.
I’m truly surprised that he wasn’t cast,
As Prince Charming in this farce.
Villagers – Shut up Squire. You’re not fooling anyone.
The Stranger slinks off stage left.
There is a puff of smoke and as it clears it reveals the Fairy Godmother (Cllr. Kelsey Dullard)
Godmother – Well what oh what can be done?
About a problem that has run and run.
As much as I would love to grant,
Three wishes, I’m afraid I can’t.
You see in the middle of the year,
We spent all the grant money on things too dear.
Now it seems that we may have to take,
A difficult decision, we must make.
Continue spending from the public purse,
With no guarantee it won’t get worse.
It’s all such a massive worry.
To the Wrangler should we say sorry?
And carry on spending,
On the Princess never ending.
Drag out the decision a little while longer,
Wait and see if it goes wronger?
Or ask members of the Village community,
If they would like the opportunity,
To turn our Princess into a money-spinner,
And from a loser into a winner.
It’s clear we really must decide,
No longer can we simply hide.
But who possesses the kind of magic,
To bring an end to this comedy tragic.
Will a hero step up to the plate?
That’s the answer we await.
The llights dim.