CliveNation in conjunction with SomersetClive is proud to present the Christmas Pantomime, with an all-star cast and seats more comfortable than those at the White Elephant Enclosure, we invite you to join us for an amateur production of the world premiere of The Princess and the Forty Thieves. Showing thrice daily.
Our story opens deep in the heart of Somerset, where the Squire of Teflon rules the sleepy little villages of Smallvillia and Dullford with a rod. Of iron.
The Squire is used to getting his own way and woe-betide anyone who foils his plans for the Squire is not to be crossed.
Act One. Scene Seven.
The Squire, Pam Pickles the Princess Wrangler and a few villagers are stood beside the Princess.
Pam – Do you see Squire? Your Princess has made lots of friends! Isn’t it great?
Squire – Yes, it’s good to see her so popular at last. But are they paying to be her friend?
Pam – Well, they are paying a little bit, but no, not the going rate. I let them have a discount, because it doesn’t feel right to make them pay full whack, because she is their Princess as well – they pay their taxes for her.
Squire – Can’t you make them pay more? I’m struggling to convince my Cronies that she’s an asset. Obviously there’s nothing they can do about her being such a drain on resources, because she’s MY Princess and they have to do as I tell them, but it would be nice not to keep having to cover up the amount of money she’s costing.
Pam – I don’t think that’s an option. If we want people to be her friend we do have to make it worth their while.
The Town Burgher (Tanya Summer) enters stage left – Pickles! What are you doing out here hob-nobbing with the Squire? Get back to work IMMEDIATELY. We don’t pay you to stand around chatting.
Pam – I was only…
Burgher – Well don’t. The Squire is a Very Important Man and he doesn’t have time to hobnob with the likes of you.
Pam – But I…
Burgher – No. If you have something you want to say to the Squire then you tell me and I’ll tell him. IF I think it’s important.
The two woman cross their arms across their chests and turn their backs on each other. The Squire stands inbetween them
Squire – Ladies, ladies, ladies. There’s no need to fight over me! Obviously I’m used to ladies fighting over me, so that’s nothing new, but if we are ever going to sort out this Princess then we need to work together.
Pam – I’m not working with her.
Burgher – And I’m not working with her.