Fresh from the first of his sell out shows since coming out of retirement, comedian Peter Kaye put in a surprise appearance at the WEE on Saturday night where he performed to a handful of pensioners who had booked tickets thinking they were going to see Danny Kaye.
Sliding on to the stage on his knees Kaye greeted the audience warmly saying “Good evening Smalltown! It’s great to be back. Not that I’ve been here before – I’ve never been here before, in fact I didn’t even know Smalltown existed before, it’s almost as if I’ve reached the end of the road to nowhere.
No, seriously, it’s a great town. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many chippys in one town. You can’t beat a chippy tea on a Friday, can you? Everyone has a chippy tea on a Friday. That’s why it’s called Friday. All those fryers frying chips.
Speaking of tea, I hear your Mayor likes tea. She’ll go anywhere for a cup of tea. She’s not even fussed if it comes with a biscuit or not. I like a biscuit with my tea. I have that in common with your Squire Teflon. I’m told he likes chocolate fingers. I’m not so keen on those, although they are good for dunking – the chocolate melts on the first dunk and then you are just left with the finger. Always useful, a finger. You can dip it in all sorts of things. Pies, pies, pies and more pies. I love pies.
Squire Teflon though, there’s a man. He had a dream. A dream about this White Elephant Enclosure. He said “If we build it they will come. Bigger, better, faster, stronger, heavier, rounder, more expensive. Rising from the ashes. A super WEE, a King of WEE’s. We will build a new WEE. Only this time we will have it all. A restaurant, a bistro, a bar, a strip club, a wedding venue, community classes, comedians, musicians, high brow theatre and the most magnificent employee on the planet.
It hasn’t gone that well has it?
The side-splitting humour continued as Kaye made his usual sharp observational references to every day events, with the jokes flowing fast and thick. “Alcoholics Anonymous though. What’s that all about? You turn up to your first meeting and you have to introduce yourself! “Hello. My name is Peter and I’m an alcoholic.” There’s nothing anonymous about that is there?
SomersetClive caught up with Mr Kaye after the show and he told us “I am indebted to former Councillor Fencesitter for inviting me along and for giving me the opportunity to appear at the WEE in return for 300% of the ticket sales, all the revenue from the car park, a share of Squire Teflon’s Albanian Whiskey stash, four buttons, a centime and some toe nail clippings – which apparently was all that could be found in the Council’s petty cash tin.
It’s been great though. I’ve had a good time. Even if most of the audience did leave during the interval complaining that the seats were uncomfortable. You can’t have it all, can you?”
Members of the audience were less impressed, with Elsie Grimes, 86 from Cove Road in Dullbridge telling SomersetClive “I thought I was coming in to keep warm for the afternoon, I was expecting a cup of soup, but instead I was given garlic bread? Garlic bread!”