Advertising behemoth Slater Nazi are to have another go at turning a side street in Smalltown into a re-creation of Whitepool illuminations.
Slater Nazi’s plans were comprehensibly rejected by everyone apart from the manager of the Blitz club, Pale Ale, when presented earlier this year.
Despite this the company has appealed to the Planning Directorate suggesting that their proposals would drag Smalltown kicking and screaming into the twentieth century, bringing the town into line with successfully decaying seaside resorts like Phyl, Skagness and Craptown on Sea.
A spokesweasel for Slater Nazi said that their proposals for a huge illuminated billboard would benefit the urban hellscape that the Blitz Club currently inhabits, on the grounds that their huge flashing sign was exactly the same as the signs that businesses put up on their shops and will be in no way out of place or incongruous, honest.
The Planning Directorate say they will shortly be inviting comments, but won’t tell anyone when they can make those comments. SomersetClive understands the window for comments is expected to open at midnight on November 31 and close at 12.03am, when the PD will roll over on its back and invite Slater Nazi to tickle its tummy.
Blitz Manager Pale Ale said the plan for a 24 hour outdoor cinema advertising condoms, dodgy bitcoin investments and Albanian Whisky were sure to be a massive success: “Just imagine all the tourists sat in deckchairs watching the latest digital adverts 24/7 for the next 15 years.
I didn’t bother consulting anyone about this contract I’ve signed, because I’m the most important, and to hell with the neighbourhood.”
Sid and Doris Bonkers, who don’t live in Smalltown and will never visit the area said the billboard was a brilliant idea and anyone who objected was stuck in the past. Sid said: “This doesn’t affect me in the slightest, but I am convinced that people want to hear my worthless ill-informed opinons.”
However, failed politician Wally Nimby, who doesn’t like change, paused briefly from wiping the foam flecks of rage from his mouth to say: “Garrrrgh, this is monstrous and I don’t like it. I like this end of Smalltown the way it is, slightly grubby and rundown and largely ignored. I’m sure that the new occupants of the flats opposite will also be upset. If they ever sell any. Garrrrgh.”
Pale Ale is 94 (degrees proof).