The row between Smalltown residents and Somerset Cuonty Council (SCC) over the ‘dangerous’ tree on the corner of Vicarage and Barrow Road has gathered pace in recent weeks, with SCC finally sending in experts to investigate whether it is as dangerous as the Council say it is.
It comes after Somerset Cuonty Council officer Pete Bitterman issued a death warrant for the tree and Smalltown residents, led by eco-warrior Scrumpy, chained themselves to the trunk and gained the tree a stay of execution. Residents are insisting that the tree doesn’t need to be removed but would benefit from some maintenance to remove some of its branches.
Residents have further pointed out that, to help combat climate change, the priority should be to save the tree to help mop up pollution. Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Councillors had been strangely silent about the matter, despite declaring the problem of Climate Change one of their major policies.
However, BeFuddled Party Town Councillor, Captain Andy Rum, who has so far not made a single comment on anything during SaDTC meetings, recently waded into the debate saying with authority “It Needs To Come Down Before It Kills Someone.” (sic).
When questioned as to whether he was qualified to make such a judgement he replied “No I Don’t Know Anything About Trees, But I Met A Man In The Pub Who Said It’s Got To Come Down.”
Smalltown Business Tycoon, Lex Turkey, speaking on behalf of the Save the Tree group responded “Captain Rum’s stance is not consistent with the BeFuddled Party Town Council policy concerning the Climate and Ecological Emergency they recently declared, so I wonder if he is going to consider tendering his resignation?”
Captain Rum told SomersetClive “I Am Not Resigning. I Just Believe In Keeping People Safe From Being Hurt Or Maybe Killed By Dangerous Trees.”
In what could be seen as a thinly-veiled threat he then continued “I Am Looking After My Constitutes And I Would Say To Mr Turkey If You Have A Problem With That Don’t.” (sic).
(Captain Rum represents ‘Constitutes’ in Dullbridge, but it is nice to see him wade into the row to try to protect the residents of Smalltown.)
Leader of the BeFuddled Party on SaDTC, Councillor Banish Barracuda, tried to smooth things over by whispering “Please can we not fall out over this? I don’t like it when people argue. I’m sure there could perhaps be a compromise here. If only I could think of one, but I don’t really know what I’m talking about and I don’t have an opinion.
In the meantime, can we all be friends? Shall we have a group hug? I find group hugs can be very helpful in situations like this.”
Members of the Save the Tree group are now resting their hopes on the results of the Environment and Ecological survey carried out on the tree, although Mr Bitterman has told them “This report was commissioned by Somerset Cuonty Council, so it’s our report and I’m only going to share it with you if it vindicates my decision to remove the tree. If it suggests that the best way forward is to carry out maintenance on the tree then I’m going to put it under my carpet and it will never see the light of day.”
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