Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council has announced plans to hold a workshop so that residents can put forward their ideas to help format the council’s Climate Action Plan for Emergency Response to Environmental Disaster (CAPERED).
The news follows the agreement of SaDTC to declare a State of Emergency in Smalltown and Dullbridge on the advice of Befuddled Councillor Patsy Knickers, SaDTC Head of Social Education.
A SaDTC spokesperson said “We are looking for ideas from anyone on how to mitigate climate change, because quite frankly we can’t think of any and we’re all doomed anyway, so we may as well waste some time thinking about ways to save the planet rather than actually saving the planet.”
Town Mayor and Headmistress Cllr Kelsey Dullard said “I’ve put in a request for funding to SaDTC to hold the workshop at King Ethelred’s School. We plan to hire the venue at a cost of £210 for the afternoon. I know there are some people who will say that we have perfectly suitable venues of our own, where we could hold the workshop free of charge, but personally I feel more at home in a school than at the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party Ex-Teachers (and Others) or in the White Elephant Enclosure.
I’m also requesting additional funding of £90 to purchase some non-recyclable felt tip pens, some non-environmentally friendly blu-tac and lots of tea bags.”
The funding request has not yet been discussed or agreed by Councillors, but Cllr Dullard is obviously confident that it will be approved as a press release has been issued, inviting residents to attend the workshop.
It seems Squire Teflon is not the only person who can guarantee the outcome of a meeting before it has been held.