Distraught residents in Smalltown and Dullbridge have been trying to make sense of the devastating news of the passing of Her Majesty Queen Victoria II and have been resorting to oneupmanship in pubs and on social media to make themselves feel better.
“I once saw her in the distance during a shopping trip to Toytown. She popped into Stainsbury’s to buy some pickled eggs. At least I think it was her. It was definitely a lady in a big hat.” Smalltown resident Arthur Sixpence said.
Mrs Sue Lowcomb said “My pussy cat went to London to see the Queen. She didn’t see her though, but she did frighten a mouse under a chair.”
“A lot of people don’t know this, but Queen Victoria II was a regular visitor to the area, as she had a static caravan on the Sandyringham Caravan Park in Bream. She used to come here every August to stay in her ‘Balmoral’ static and loved being able to kick her shoes off and feel the sand between her toes.” said Cara Van.
Chester Bigot told anyone who would listen “I’m a huge fan of horse racing. I go to racecourses up and down the country. Poshenham, Toytown, Epson, Ashcroft, Oldmarket, Paintree, all of them. I love a flutter and always used to bet on the Queen’s horses.”
Meanwhile, Barbara Treehouse proudly declared “I used to own a couple of Corgis. So did she.”
It was left to Dullbridge resident and keen gardener, Albert Ditchmarsh, to have the last word “I was invited to a garden party at the Palace. I didn’t go though, because I was too busy planting my turnips.”
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