Rumours are circulating in Smalltown that Mistress Bones and Squire Teflon have cancelled The Mistress’ Chateau Park Bank Holiday Jamboree and Fate Worse Than Death (formerly known as the Incredibly Successful Hospital Fete).
Some of the charities and stallholders who were due to take part in the event, scheduled to take place on Monday 29th August, have received an email telling them to forget about all the hard work that they’ve put in preparing to attend to raise funds as it has been a waste of time and they should not bother turning up as the event won’t be going ahead.
The dynamic due took over the running of the event, under the auspices of their Smalltown and Dullbridge Duplicated Events Team (SADDEST) in 2016, after The Friends of Smalltown Hospital withdrew from running it due to a lack of volunteers. SaDDEST held three fetes, before being extremely grateful that the pandemic led to a reasonable excuse to cancel in 2020 and 2021
The reason for the cancellation remains unclear, with some stallholders believing that it was due to the high costs of insurance. Others disputed this, saying that it was because the organisers had failed to secure enough attractions to be able to live up to their promise of ‘Bigger and better than before’.
However, a source close to Mistress Bones claimed that they’d heard her mutter to Squire Teflon “I’m not going to bother with this any longer. Organising my Jamboree was part of my election manifesto and the ingrates didn’t vote for me, so I don’t see why I should bother. Most people didn’t vote for you either, so let Smalltown’s Most Popular Person (Dullbridge Public Enemy No. 1), Jock McCads to it.
It’ll probably only lead to more questions about the whereabouts of the missing defibrillators we promised to buy with the money SaDDEST supposedly raised previously. Let’s just cancel it.”
An official announcement is yet to appear, as the pair need to come up with a viable excuse and get their stories straight.