Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council have finally noticed that The Hayloft Road Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party Ex-Teachers (and Others) office staff room is looking decidedly empty.
Where once the office was full with the joyful sound of staff members desperately trying to keep Squire Teflon under control, the corridors of power are now silent after the Smalltown Head Administration Officer (SHAG), the Smalltown and Dullbridge Smalltown Administration Deputy (SaDSAD), the Smalltown Head of Accounts and Malfeasance (SHAM) and the Smalltown Media and Uproar Genius (SMUG) all departed their roles earlier this year.
With the Smalltown Temporary Executive Administration Manager (STEAM), Con Slurs, only in the office Monday and Tuesday it has been left to the remaining two part-time staff members to try to corral the new intake of Councillors into looking like some form of professional council.
After Eileen Cotton bravely took on the role of Acting-SHAM, attempting to make the accounts look good after undertaking a crash-course in using an abacus, and Ellen Surly promoted herself to Planning and Scheming Secretary (PASS), the phones in Hayloft Road have largely gone unanswered. In an attempt to remedy this SaDTC has agreed to look for new staff members to take on the roles of Deputy-SHAG and Executive Customer Service Supervisor (ExCuSeS).
The advertisement for the Deputy-SHAM mistakenly describes the job as ‘an exciting opportunity’ but does go on to detail how the successful appointee will be responsible for ensuring that Councillors know what they are doing and keeping them on the straight and narrow.
Meanwhile the closing date for applications for the role of EcCuSeS closes next Tuesday. All applicants will be asked to sign a declaration confirming that they won’t complain about Misogynistic Attitudes in the Workplace.