Residents of Smalltown have been contacting SomersetClive with reports of sightings of a ‘Mythical Being’ spotted in the churchyard ar St Genesius Church.
“It scared the bejesus out of me when it popped up from behind a gravestone” said resident Harold (Harry) Head. “I’ve never seen anything like it before.”
Asked to describe what he’d seen, Harry told us “I can’t really put it into words. It was of indescribable shape, more like a blurry mass. I just felt its presence, if you know what I mean.”
Regular church-goer Miss Millicent Dogooder agreed, saying “I first glimpsed it flitting between the Yew trees and I tried to get a closer look, but by the time I got there it had vanished. I have no idea what it was, or even if it was actually there. It could well have been a figment of my imagination.
SomersetClive contacted the Really Right-On Vicar of Smalltown, Reverend Gordon Twitty to ask if he had any idea what it could be and he told us “I am aware of these sightings. The problem began shortly after we installed a Labyrinth in the graveyard. Before then, we’d been able to confine the Mythical Being inside the church itself, but when the Labyrinth was laid out it moved out of the church and into the middle of the maze. Since then it has taken to wandering wherever it wants. It’s everywhere now. Omnipresent, you might say.”
As well as the sightings some residents have reported hearing it shouting late at night with popular phrases being “For mine is the kingdom, the power and the glory”, “Thou shalt not eat that apple” and “I hate Cliff Richard and I wish Bono would shut the F-up.”
We understand that if attempts to lure it back inside the church by laying a trail of bread and wine are unsuccessful then an exorcism may be performed.