The eyes of the world were on Smalltown yesterday as local, national and international press turned up to broadcast live as Founder, CEO and Director of a couple of fake charities, non-organiser of Smalltown Pride, figment of his own imagination, and part-time Groucho Marx impersonator, Levi Smeller, welcomed everyone to the ‘Official Opening of a Paper Bag’.
“Hey Guys, it’s ME!” Levi told the gathered crowd of two men and a dog. “I am so excited. I’m here with the Archbishopness of Ranterbury and shortly we are going to officially declare this paper bag open! Isn’t it exciting?
Once we’ve officially opened the paper bag I’ll let you guys have a tour of the inside. This is all so exciting that I may just burst! But first, we are going to hang round for a bit and I’m going to waffle on about the rainbow balloons and the Pride flags while we wait to see if anyone else turns up.”
After a further ten minutes of talk, during which Levi said a great deal about nothing much at all, and no one else turned up, the Archbishopness was invited to join Levi for the Official Opening of the Paper Bag.
This was followed by a further speech from Levi, who said “There wasn’t that exciting guys? I’d like to thank everyone who came and to also say a really big thank you to everyone who has made this Paper Bag opening such a success – I’d especially like to thank my hamsters, without whom this wouldn’t have been possible.”
The eyes of the world rubbed themselves in disbelief and everyone agreed that this had been 20 minutes of their lives that they would never get back.