As the BeFuddled Party plan their take over of the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council, it’s bad news all round for Smalltown and Dullbridge.
With three of our four elected representatives being Illiberal Party members, the door to the positions of power has been firmly shut in their faces and it is bad news too for Smalltown’s Most Popular Person, Jock McCads, as he was completely overlooked by the new regime.
New Council Leader, Phil Crivens, said “We will be replacing the existing positions of Executive Briefcase Holders with a new Display Cabinet that we’ve purchased at a very reasonable cost from IPEA and sadly there is simply no room in our new cupboard for everyone. Although Jock McCads may be extremely popular in Smalltown our survey showed that his face isn’t as instantly recognisable as Theresa Punt* and we can’t afford the added expense of attaching labels to the Councillors on display.”
In a double-blow for Squire Teflon it was confirmed that he will lose his throne and sparkly necklace and will no longer hold the position of chair – vice or acting.
A source close to the Squire said “It’s fair to say he’s devastated. Not only is he facing a massive pay-cut but he’s also lost his authority. I was round his flat the other day and it’s littered with empty Albanian Whisky bottles. When he’s not out delivering newspapers, he’s sat on his settee morosely throwing projectiles at a dartboard festooned with photos of Jock. It’s sad to see.”
The new authority will assume full power on April Fool’s Day next year, with Councillor Crivens saying “I want us to be seen as a listening council. If there’s one thing the BeFuddled Party are good at it’s listening. By promising to listen we won’t have to actually do anything. Instead we can just listen to the complaints that roll in from residents.”
(* That was close)