It has emerged that the first meeting of the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council Finance and Misappropriation Committee, which was due to be held on Monday 21st May at the Hayloft Road Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party Ex-Teachers (and Others), was cancelled on the orders of the new Head of Mathematics, Banish Barracuda.
Councillor Barracuda confirmed “When I reviewed the qualifications of the other committee members it swiftly became apparent that a lot of them do not have a GSCE in maths. Several of them claimed to have an O-level in the subject, but said they couldn’t ‘find the certificate after all these years’.
Therefore my first priority is to ensure that all Councillors sit an examination in the subject and can demonstrate an ability to count from 1 to ten without using their fingers.
We will also take the opportunity to review our Grants Application procedure, paying particular attention to such areas as requests for funding from close-friends of Squire Teflon and/or applications to hire the White Elephant Enclosure. In future applications for cultural events organised by Jock McCads will be the only grants given prior approval. All other applications will be subject to full scrutiny.”
Smalltown bookseller G. W. Hurling have confirmed that they have sold out of copies of ‘Mathematics for Dummies’, but further stocks are expected. Meanwhile, as an alternative, they have a few signed copies of SomersetClive reporter, Steven C. Gull’s ‘Love in a Smalltown’ available to purchase.