As Sadgebore District Council enters its final few months of existence, Councillors and staff have come up with a new way to brighten the death throes.
With Illiberal Leader of Sadgebore, David McGoat still sulking because he didn’t get a seat on the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council it was left to his Deputy, Councillor Lilly Slowworm, to explain the details.
“After all the years of neglect by this council and with many locals believing that we’ve treated Dullbridge as a dumping-ground for ASBO holders, we thought it would be funny to ask the residents of Dullbridge what improvements they’d like to see in their town, so we are inviting residents to come up with some ideas for where investment is needed.
With so many residents in Dullbridge struggling to survive during the current cost of living crisis we thought it would be absolutely hilarious to seek their views on a few ideas that we’ve come up with all on our own and to also ask if residents have any ideas for ways to spend a lot of money on pie in the sky improvements.
Our ideas include:-
- Paving the streets with gold in an extension of the scheme previously introduced in Smalltown
- Redesigning the main car park for housing
- Banning all cars from the area and making all roads only accessible by bicycle.
- Improving flood defences by filling in the river and building more houses on the reclaimed land.
- Improving the facilities at the community hall in Wiltshire Close (Ed – Where? Ah. Poorland Community Centre. Why didn’t they just call it that? I’ve had to get a map out.)
- Spending loads of money to produce pretty pictures showing lots of green spaces and trees in areas where we’ve digitally enlarged the space available to make everything look airy and attractive. Photoshopping out the cider-consuming and suspicious-substance-smoking crowdss who spend their leisure time in Jumbly Gardens hurling abuse at passers-by and replacing them with images of smiling children.
We will be applying for Government funding for the project, which we are calling Re-Imagine Dullbridge (RID) and if we are successful (which is highly doubtful because we aren’t going to put a lot of effort into it) it is hoped that the improvement works will be completed by 2094.
Local residents are being asked to add their comments to the scheme – but you will need to be quick, because the RID consultation period ends in mid-June.