Squire Teflon sustained substantial injuries yesterday after being involved in an accident in Toytown, where votes were being counted for the candidates in the election for the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council.
After learning that he was no longer the ‘most popular person in Smalltown’ the Squire suffered serious damage to both his ego and his pride, as he watched on in horror to see BeFuddled Party candidate, Jock McCads, take his crown.
As the results were announced, Squire Teflon beamed smugly, thinking that he’d stuffed the opposition once again, but his smirk became fixed as he realised that McCads had actually garnered more votes than he had.
Squire Teflon spoke to SomersetClive after the results were announced telling us “This result would have been much different if the returning officer had accepted my request to count all the ballot papers on which people had marked obscenities next to my name as votes for me. That was obviously the real intention of those voters who wrote ‘tw@t’, ‘pillock’ and ‘w@nker’ next to my name.”
On this occasion even the Squire’s lucky Somerset tie failed to save him from humiliation.
It is widely anticipated that the Squire will suffer further injury in the future when someone pulls his vice-chair and acting-chair from under him, just as he is about to sit down.