With profiles of the candidates for the two main parties out of the way we turn our attention to the waifs and strays that make up the rest of your ballot paper.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Independent Super Team (SADISTs) are a small (very small) group of residents standing as candidates in the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council election. SomersetClive asked them to introduce themselves because, quite frankly, we’d never heard of any of them which means the electorate won’t have either.
John Fudgeface.
“You may remember me as the man who had the sock shop in Smalltown’s Main Street – I was often to be seen in the window knitting socks. I now work for Squire Teflon’s arch nemesis Lex Turkey and together we have achieved World Domination. Except for Smalltown.
I was a member of the Dullbridge and Smalltown Carnivoo committee for some time, although I never reached the position of Carnivoo Marshall. Instead I was stuck in a room counting all the pennies and tuppenies that spectators so generously donated.”
Norman de Plume.
“Hello. I’m a writer. I write lots of things. Books. Plays. Scripts. Articles. Leaflets. Pamphlets. Features. I write them all. I’m very good at writing. I’ve had lots of jobs too. Ice cream seller. Hangman. Ambient Washing Machine Operator. Pig salesman. Airline pilot. I was even Robbie Williams for a time. This variety of jobs helps me with my writing. The development of characters is important. I plan to bring these skills to Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council. Especially my aptitude for hanging. And then I will write a book about it.”
Dotty LaBore.
“As a member of a political heavyweight family, you’d think I’d be really good at making wild claims in election leaflets, however I don’t really know where to begin and to make matters worse I’ve lost my pen.
My primary concern is appearance and I’d like to combat the general scruffiness which pervades in the Smalltown and Dullbridge area, so I’d like to see all our councillors and staff sent for a makeover. So many of them look rather unkempt and we could all do with some fashion tips and advice on how to use a comb. I think matching uniforms would look good too. With big pockets so that we have somewhere to put all the litter. Also… by the way – I do have a tendancy to waffle on, so you will stop me if I’m talking too much won’t… “