BREAKING NEWS:
SomersetClive can exclusively reveal that Smalltown dogs have formed a hunting pack which is in hot pursuit of the organisers of the local firework display. The pack was spotted chasing the hi-vis clad team along Dullbridge Road at pace this morning, disrupting traffic and defying the instructions of trained Carnivoo Marshals who attempted to intervene. A spokesman for the dogs, Rex Hunter, said that they were determined to bite back against the annual menace of noisy firework displays in the town.
Asked what the pack would do once its aims were achieved, Hunter suggested they would then continue to address the year-round problem of inconsiderate households setting off fireworks to celebrate family events which no-one else cares about, often before it was even dark.
A spokesnimby for Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council suggested that the dog pack was “a good thing as it means we don’t have to do anything about this”. When pressed for details, he directed us to Smegmoor Heath Municipal Urban Council (SHMUC), who he thought “might have something to do with noise and environmental health, maybe? But it’s definitely not us. I think.”
Our local reporter, Catherine Wheeler has been dispatched to fetch more details as they arise.