Smalltown Media & Uproar Genius (SMUG) announces that Smalltown & Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council has accepted the recommendation of Squire Teflon to observe three days of mourning.
This unexpected development does not occur owing to the death of a national figure but rather that of the Squire’s political mentor, long time chairman of Dibley, Oxon, Parish Council, David Francis Matthew Horton MBE.
The Squire has issued a tearful personal statement. “Cllr Horton taught me so much when I was a young man decades ago. I learned from him how to control the agenda for Council meetings and how to stop other members speaking.”
“I take pride in my Council attendance record as did the late Cllr Horton in his, as well as in our behaviour towards woman, resulting in us both losing spouses.”
“His knowledge of how to judge planning applications and use resources for our own benefit, to interfere with local events, and to accept quotes for works without scrutiny, were beneficial experiences for any person.”
“Most of all he taught me how to endure the campaign trail. Just as he put up with Letitia Cropley’s cooking so I have to brave women on every street desiring me.”
“I shall remain indebted to the late Cllr Horton for the rest of my political career.”
The distressed Squire retired to the Tat & Newspaper Emporium, to be comforted by the warm embrace of the bosom of Mistress Bones.