The Department of Wind and Precipitation has issued an update regarding meteorological conditions for the Smalltown and Dullbridge area, as Storm Clive is set to bring chaos to the area.
“We’ve braved the conditions today and have been out to check the Seaweed Weather Indicator Gadget (SWIG) and we can definitely confirm that there will be weather today.”
“We therefore continue to advise everyone to stay indoors until we issue the ‘all clear’, as this weather has the potential to bring devastation to the area.
There will be instances of localised damage, particularly in the SomersetClive office, where it is likely that Storm Clive will hit the roof after reading yet another load of puerile garbage contributed by work experience placement Cllr Apprentice-Candlestick Maker.
The full effects of Storm Clive will be felt around lunchtime, after Cllr Apprentice-Candlestick Maker is sent out to collect the sandwiches, but instead returns with a fancy white mouse, a packet of crayons and two marbles.
A spokesperson for Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council said “We are grateful to the DWP for keeping us informed of the current situation and for allowing us to keep out heads down and hope no one notices that we aren’t actually doing anything. Long may it continue.”