Mystic Mick, Smalltown’s foremost forecaster finishes his look at what’s in store for Smalltown and Dullbridge residents in 2023.
October
The owners of Smalltown Pier confirm that they will be extending the pier by four miles so that visitors to the area can be guaranteed a glimpse of the sea.
Squire Teflon wins first prize in the annual Smalltown Halloween Fancy Dress competition. There are calls for him to be stripped of the win after it is revealed that he wasn’t wearing a costume.
November
The new-look Smalltown LGBT Carnivoo takes place. Complaints are made after the first cart is revealed to show ‘The Crucifixion of the Carnival Chairman’, however Bill Old confirms that he doesn’t find a scene parodying the Crucifixion of Christ, surrounded by men dressed as naked nuns, to be ‘offensive‘, saying “It’s all good fun, isn’t it? Most definitely the spirit of Carnival and far better than having some of those awful honosexuals prancing around.”
Smalltown Chamber of Trade (SCOT) and the Smalltown Shops (SS) group reveal their plans for yet another joint yet totally separate Christmas Lights Switch On event. SCOT. confirm that their event will follow the traditional format of a switch on of the lights outside the George Hotel in George Street, whilst the SS promise an event which will be “even bigger, better and longer than ever before”. To achieve this the SS confirm that Main Street will be closed to shoppers throughout November and December.
A plea is put out to ask if anyone knows what happened to the Dullbridge Christmas Light as the box it should be in is mysteriously empty.
December
It is revealed that the last person to leave the Sadgebore District Council offices in Fridgpond forgot to turn out the lights and the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council has been hit with a £940,000 electricity bill.
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council will confirm that they have signed an agreement to sell Smalltown and Dullbridge to Gill Bates. Both towns will then be flooded with water and turned into a giant hydro energy generating plant which will solve the problems of both the Cost of Living Crisis and the Climate Change Emergency in one fell swoop. Cllr Patsy Knickers, who handled the negotiations pronounces herself “delighted with the outcome.”