Squire Teflon has confirmed that he has sent King Henry IX a letter containing some top tips on pen usage.
The news comes after His Majesty was observed having a tantrum over a recalcitrant pen as he attempted to use it to sign a Very Important Piece of Paper.
“I saw the television footage of King Henry IX struggling with a leaky pen and, having been in that situation myself, I felt he could do with some help.
There is nothing more frustrating than trying to sign an Important Piece of Paper only to discover that the pen you’ve been given doesn’t work, so I fully sympathise with him.
I’ve written to him to explain how I’ve learnt to cope with the problem. In my experience it’s always wise to have more than one pen available. This is why I always carry at least six pens in the breast pocket of my shirt and I’ve suggested that he do the same.
Having a selection of pens handy means that I’m always ready for any situation which involves writing, be it signing autographs, writing my name on the contract to purchase the White Elephant Enclosure for a pound, or inscribing the house number on the top of a newspaper as part of my job working with my close friend Mistress Bones.
I have also discovered that pens can come in very useful as a tool to attract the ladies. Nothing says suave and sophisticated more than the ability to produce a pen from a pocket with a flourish when asking for a damsel in distress’s phone number.”
Squire Teflon confirmed that he hasn’t yet received an acknowledgment from the Palace but believes that future photographs of King Henry IX will show an array of pens in his pocket.