Plans for a 2G mast in Smalltown have been submitted to Sadgebore District Council for approval.
The scheme would see a 94m-high pole installed in Oskar Schindler’s Cul-de-Sac in an attempt to stop residents moaning about the dire mobile signal in the area. Work on the site has already started, before the plans have been approved, as is often the way with a lot of things around here.
Members of Fridgepond Town Council were prompted to call on Sadgebore District Council to put a pause on 2G applications, citing concerns over the impact on public health of the technology.
Smalltown’s World Conspiracy Expert Tommy Stoppem, of the Unconscious Movement, voiced his fears “Hey guys, how you doing? I just want to say a few words about these new masts. Please don’t fall for this, it’s all part of the Great Reset being forced upon the sheep by World Leaders. They aren’t going to stop with this Scamdemic until all the humans have been wiped out and lizards rule our flat earth. If you’ve had the vaccine then these new masts will send out a signal to activate the chip and you’ll find yourself ordering loads of stuff you don’t need from Amazon. Wake up beautiful souls and join me hanging around outside schools looking extremely shifty as we spread the word of the Grand Awakening. Big love to you all”
Public Health England says any exposure to radio waves from 2G are “Well within the international health-related guideline levels that are used in the UK and the only chips in the bodies of residents in the area are the vast amount purchased from fish’n’shops.”, so that’s alright then.