Fears are growing that a small number of elderly people could be seriously affected by the Governments future plans to blend Sadgebore District Council and Somerset Cuonty Council into one unmanageable corporate behemoth AllNewYetUnimproved Somerset Cuonty Council next May as that’s when they think might be the last chance they have to win an election.
The move to mix the unrivalled ability of Sadgebore to spend Chernobyl Slush Fund money on nearby Fluidbridge and of Somerset Cuonty Council to spend money it hasn’t got on its home in Toytown, instead of children and old people, was agreed upon in a deal between the government and nobody else. The minister for local government, Brian Forgettable MP said the intention was to improve services and definitely not so the Cuonty Council could get its grubby hands on the Chernobyl funding. He insisted the decision was not made to punish the residents of Toytown Dunes, Dippymen and South Somerstuffed for not voting for them last time round. “It’s about democracy” squeaked a spokesweasel.
It has since been revealed that the financial impact on those aging Sadgebore councilors who also sit on the Somerset Cuonty Council could be severe as they would lose half their allowances and might have to get jobs in order to buy essentials like cake and Albanian whisky. However, SomersetClive understands that plans are afoot to make sure the new ‘AllNewYetUnimproved Somerset Cuonty Council’ councillors get increased allowances to keep the gravy train on track and make up the difference.
Suggestions that their masters in Toytown might select other candidates to stand in Smalltown and Dullbridge were poo-pooed by popular local politician, penholder and photocopier service engineer lookalike Squire Teflon, who said: “They wouldn’t dare.”
Asked if he was concerned that rival candidates might challenge his grip on power, Squire Teflon, who is Somerset Cuonty and Sadgebore portfolio holder for dozing off and doing what he’s told, said: “Frankly, I could kick a puppy to death on the jetty and these mugs would still vote for me. Nobody cares.”
Rival candidate Mark Muckworthy said: “He’s got a point, to be honest.”