Rumours have been circulating in Smalltown that members of the Same Old Smalltown (formerly known as the Town Bored) have left the group.
Although not yet confirmed, it is believed that the resignations were caused by a takeover bid from Squire Teflon, his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones, Lady Brassy of Easton-under-Water, together with several other local business representatives who are not formal members of the Bored.
Matters came to a head when Chair of the Bored, Ruth Accrington-Stanley, tentatively suggested that it might be a nice idea to ask a broad spectrum of residents and visitors for ideas to attract a higher footfall to Smalltown Town Centre.
Squire Teflon, the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council representative on the Bored, immediately attacked the idea saying “I and only I know what Smalltown needs and it isn’t new ideas. We’ve been doing things the same way in Smalltown since 1894 and I don’t see any reason to change now.
You lot just want to see new things and I can tell you now that the businesses in Smalltown don’t want new things. I know this because I’m going to tell them all that they don’t want new things.“
Teflon’s close-friend and employer Mistress Bones and Lady Brassy of the Smalltown Shops (SS) group agreed. “Although the SS only have one seat on this Bored, we are sharing a chair and we therefore have four votes. We can confirm that we don’t like new things and we will use our extra votes to ensure that nothing new is introduced in Smalltown. “
Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council representative, Cllr Banish Barracuda tried to intervene saying “Errrrm, guys, this is errm getting rather errrm heated. I errrm suggest that we errrrm take some errrm time to errrm think and errrrm talk about it some errrrm more.”
However, Squire Teflon rejected this idea saying “Shut up, Barracuda, you wet fish. You don’t know anything. Get back in your bowl. My close-friend and employer Mistress Bones know exactly what this town needs. It needs another highly successful idea like Mistress Bones World Record Breaking Olympic Sized Swimming Pool and Ice Rink.”
SomersetClive understands that far from the Town Bored being a mix of residents and businesses, Squire Teflon and his cronies now make up over 94% of the group membership.