Tree re erected

The Smalltown Christmas Tree, one of a pair known locally as the World’s Most Expensive Christmas Trees, and more lately as the Smalltown Christmas Hedge, has been re-erected after being damaged last weekend.

The 94ft tree – located at the junction of Kidlington and Jetty Street so that Squire Teflon could enjoy it as he made his way from his bedsit to his close-friend and employer Mistress Bones’ Newspaper and Tat Emporium, was blown down by a mild breeze almost a week ago, but Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council had to hold a meeting to discuss the issue before agreeing to put it back up again. It is believed that a further cost has been incurred.

A spokesperson for SaD Town Council, said “Several feet had to be removed from the trunk as the damage was severe. Where once the tree was a very majestic 94ft tall, it’s now just 4ft tall, but it was either that or face ridicule for having a Christmas Hedge instead of a Tree. Further ridicule is the last thing SaD Town Council needs right now.

We are facing enough already thanks to the completely useless Town Councillors who spent a shed load of money on a tree which didn’t form the centrepiece of the Smalltown Christmas Lights Switch On Event.”

It is believed that Dictator Dullard wanted to remove the tree altogether and had already taken the advice of a friend and agreed with the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Scrooge Cuonty Council Branch Holder for Trees that the tree should go. However, Squire Teflon insisted that Councillors should spend more money on it would be a far more popular decision with voters, who love paying vast amounts of Council Tax, to be wasted by SaDTC.

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