The Department of Wind and Precipitation (DWP) has issued a weather warning for Smalltown and Dullbridge.
A spokescloud said “Over the coming days we are going to see an increase in the number of headlines mentioning the weather.
Most of these headlines will be of the ‘Cor, What a Scorcher’ variety, although there is also a strong chance of ‘Brits Bask on Hottest Day of the Year So Far’.
We would advise readers to steer clear of hailing strangers with the greeting “Hot enough for you?” as the question could cause offence or even elicit the reply “It’s too hot really, isn’t it?“.
By Friday we could see local headlines upgraded to ‘Smalltown and Dullbridge are MELTING‘, together with a smattering of ‘Brits Head to Smalltown Beach‘ interspersed with the odd ‘Dullbridge Hotter than MARS.‘
Saturday will see readers warned that the ‘Heatwave set to last a MONTH‘, with several media outlets warning that ‘Thousands may DIE‘.
However, things look set to change on Sunday when media outlets will begin to predict ‘More misery as Thunderstorms on the way’, closely followed by ‘Flooding causes chaos’. Residents are warned to treat these headlines with caution, because Monday and Tuesday will see a return to ‘Sizzling Smalltown‘ and ‘Burning Dullbridge‘ although the latter may not be a reference to the weather.
By Wednesday morning it’s all change again as newspapers in Somerset will begin mentioning rain in earnest, as the Dalstonbury Festival opens its gates. Expect to see these headlines start slowly with ‘Rain fails to dampen Dalstonbury spirit‘ before building slowly through the week until the weather reaches a crescendo of ‘Dalstonbury DROWNS‘ and ‘Mud Bath at Dalstonbury’ on Sunday.”
SomersetClive readers who are heading to Dalstonbury are advised to take sun cream, sunglasses, shorts, Wellington boots, an umbrella and an inflatable boat – which our readers can purchase at a reasonable cost in the middle aisle of our advertising partner LIDALLS.