For the second time in a row Squire Teflon has failed to attend a Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council White Elephant Enclosure Mismanagement Committee meeting.
Teflon was notably absent from the February meeting and also failed to appear on Tuesday night at a meeting to discuss the facility, which he famously paid a £1 to save for the nation.
Currently there are several theories to explain his non-appearance:-
- He is still pining for his beloved Most-Magnificent Employee Smalltown Culture and Arts Manager (SCAM), Debby Karmary and has refused to attend any meetings until she is reinstated.
- He doesn’t want the current WEE Mismanagement Committee to benefit from his years of running the WEE as a successful business, costing Council Tax Payers almost £1 million in subsidies. In this way he can’t be blamed for any decisions made by the current Committee.
- He is practising for his role as a Prospective Parliamentary Missing Person.
- His close-friend and employer Mistress Bones has needs which he has to fulfill.
- He is unable to get to the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others) because he has no transport as his car is currently without an MoT certificate or road tax.
- He is trapped in his bedsit behind a mountain of empty Albanian Whiskey bottles.
- He hadn’t finished his evening paper round.
- He is currently detained at His Majesty’s pleasure, following the fracas in Kidlington Street earlier this month.
- He has a new love-interest and, although he told Mistress Bones he was going to the meeting, he didn’t.
- Someone has stolen all his pens.
Anyone who can shed any light on where the Squire is is asked to contact SquireWatch at SomersetClive.