What do they do?

SomersetClive has recently undertaken some research to see how many of our Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillors have any experience of life in the real world.

We consulted the recently published Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council Register of Interests, where councillors are required to detail their current employment. Suffice to say it is not a pretty picture. Of the 18 SaDTC members, only four have admitted to being gainfully employed, whilst one has an occasional job.

Rather surprisingly many of the BeFuddled Party members of SaDTC are retired teachers, including Town Mayor Kelsey Dullard, Deputy Town Mayors Eugenie Sherry and Patsy Knickers.

Alan Hayrick wasn’t a teacher, but his wife is, and Alan himself is retired. Another retiree is Captain Rum who used to work as a marmalade maker in Dullbridge.

Jim Rabbithole doesn’t admit to being employed but has worked previously as a sports teacher. Similarly, local BeFuddled Party Leader Banish Barracuda also fails to indicate that he is employed.

Smalltown’s Most Popular Person (and Dullbridge Public Enemy Number One) Jock McCads used to work as an light bulb retailer but is now retired.

Meanwhile Master Rob Apprentice-Candlestick Maker doesn’t have a job, but that’s okay, because he’s still at school

Independent Robert Not-Bothered is another unemployed pensioner, whilst the sole Working Socialist Party representative, Ben Leftcame, is employed but if we tell you what he does we will have to kill you.

Meanwhile the Illiberal Party members appear to have better prospects or can at least complete the form correctly.

Prue Hairdresser works in the Health Service as an administrator, so has plenty of experience of wasting money on a grand scale. Julia Slurry works part time as a holiday park receptionist.

Al DeValues once had a job which involved maths but according to the Register of Interests he must be unemployed now.

Catty Staring is retired, but offers a cat sitting service as part of a cat sitting franchise.

Mark Facelift is retired and lists his home address, which should be within the Smalltown and Dullbridge area, as being in Fridgpond – which isn’t.

Meanwhile ex-photocopier salesman Squire Teflon, who is now employed as a volunteer newspaper boy and shelf filler at Mistress Bones’ Newspaper and Tat Emporium, claims he doesn’t need to list this in the Register of Interest as he doesn’t receive any money for this, however he does receive payment in kind from Mistress Bones for his service.

Finally only Saul Synn appears to have a proper job as his occupation is listed as ‘CEO’. Don’t get too excited at the prospect of a Councillor finally having genuine experience of life in the real world though, in this case CEO stands for Civil Enforcement Officer and not Chief Executive Officer. Yes, that’s right. Cllr Synn is a traffic warden.

With such a dazzling array of business and life experience amongst them is it any wonder that none of the Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Councillors can work out how to run a bath let alone a town?

Several of them do not even appear to be able to complete a simple form correctly and, with most of them now retired, can have no real idea what life is like for the average resident of Smalltown and Dullbridge. No wonder they believe a 7% hike in Council Tax to cover the White Elephant Enclosure haemorrhage is acceptable.

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