Part one of your Cut Out and Keep Guide

The scene in Smalltown today as organisers get ready for the event.

SomersetClive has been given a sneak-preview of the Headmistress of Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council and Mayor, Kelsey Dullard’s speech, due to be delivered at tomorrow’s ‘A Winter War’ event organised by the Smalltown Chamber of Trade (SCOT) and Smalltown Shops (SS).

The actual Switch On by the Mayor is the most important part of the day and will be held in the SCOT-organised area of Smalltown.

Residents are invited to join in with the chorus as The Mayor says a few words and has a lovely cup of tea.

(Mayor) “It’s Christmas time, we’re all gathered round the tree,
The Christmas lights will go on when I count to three,
And in our home of Smalltown it’s so hard to raise a smile,
So I’m going to waffle on and on for a good while.

But say a prayer, Pray for the Dullbridge ones,
At Christmas time it’s hard, but let’s show them how to have fun
There’s a town outside your window
And it’s a town of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears

‘Cos the Council tax they pay
Is never spent on things in their town.
(Her Archbishopness, Karen Elderflower : Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you)

And there won’t be lights in Dullbridge Town this Christmas time,
The only gift they’ll get this year is zilch.
No infrastructure built,
We don’t feel any guilt.

Do we know Dullbridge exists at all?

Here’s to you
Raise a glass for Smalltown
Spare a thought this yuletide for the deprived
If the table was turned would we survive?

Here’s to them

It’s been turned into a slum
We don’t feel any guilt, ‘cos we are selfish,
Don’t give any help to the helpless
They don’t know it’s Christmas time at all.


Switch them on!
Switch them on!
Switch them on!
Switch them on!
Stop talking and switch them on.
Switch them on!
Switch the f***ing lights on now
Switch them on!

We all want to go home now.
Switch them on!
Switch the f***ing lights on now
Smalltown Winter War!
Switch them on! (repeat ad infinitum)

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