As members of the Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council Finance and Misappropriation Committee gather tonight to see if they understand the 2023/24 budget proposals put forward, SomersetClive has been through the archives to help explain to Council members exactly what the White Elephant Enclosure is, because it appears that some of them have no idea.
The WEE – a brief history of a financial fiasco.
The White Elephant Enclosure was built in 1344 on the orders of Squire Teflon’s ancestor His Royal Highness Overlord and Former Mayor of Smalltown and Dullbridge Admiral Emperor Nelson Jones, First Duke of Smalltown MBE, OBE and Knight of the Living Dead.
Prior to the building of Hayloft Road Palace, the WEE was where the peasants of Smalltown and Dullbridge paid their taxes to their master. The building has seen a variety of uses over the years – serving as a brothel, a workhouse and an ice rink storage facility, with one Smalltown resident claiming that it was even used as a film set to create and film the moon landings.
The building ended up in the ownership of Sadgebore District Council when Smalltown Urban Council (SUC) was abolished in 1974, and Sadgebore performed an asset grab.
However, in 2006, Sadgebore took a look in their piggy bank and realised that they didn’t have any money left to pay for nice things and the WEE would have to go as soon as possible, because it had never, and would never, make any money. Four years later Sadgebore finally got around to inviting bids from interested parties to take over running the WEE.
Via a carefully thought out process, which involved having prior access to and looking at, all the other confidential bids which were submitted to Sadgebore, combined with being on, and having friends on, the Sadgebore Committee making the decision, Squire Teflon was able to save the WEE for the nation by handing over a pound – something which he never lets residents forget.
At the time of the sale Sadgebore were subsidising the WEE to the tune of £50,000, however Squire Teflon assured everyone that this figure would be turned into profit by the end of the year.
The first White Elephants moved in on 1st April 2011. By the end of the first trading year the loss had increased to £75,000.
Since then a number of managers have come and gone, with Squire Teflon heralding the arrival of each and claiming that “This person is highly experienced and will bring ideas and innovation to the WEE which will finally see it make a profit.” Each successive manager has failed to do any such thing.
Each new Manager has also brought with them a number of ‘exciting new ideas’ which have been said to be THE thing which will see all those red numbers in the ledgers turn black. Every single ‘exciting new idea’ has been a disaster and has only served to add more red ink to the colouring books.
Each successive year has seen a rise in the Town Council subsidy required to pay for the WEE, because the financial loss has increased every single year, with the real losers being the residents who have seen their council tax payments squandered on a folly.
Fast forward to today and councillors are being asked to rubber stamp a subsidy of £194,000 to keep the WEE staggering along for another year. This will bring the total amount that Smalltown and Dullbridge Town Council have thrown at the WEE to just under one million pounds.
Has there ever been a better investment of a pound?
(Ed – £1 would buy me just under a quarter of a pint of beer. Admittedly it’s going to cost me a bit more to buy a full pint, but I’d be happy to subsidise the cost because I know I’ll get my money’s worth. Which is more than any resident can say about the WEE)