Fireworks cause fireworks

The Smalltown Festival of Bangs and Pops, due to be held this Sunday, the night before Carnivoo, has led to fireworks of a different kind behind the doors of the Hayloft Road Palace Retirement Home for Bemused and Bewildered BeFuddled Party ex-Teachers (and Others).

The previous Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council administration, led by Squire Teflon approved funding in March to the tune of £9,400 to hold the event and, when they first took control, local BeFuddled Party members were happy to go along with it.

However, the recent decision by Town Councillors to adopt Professional Fun Sponge Cllr Patsy Knickers’ State of Climate Change Emergency plan and with her fellow Sister Grimm, Cllr Eugenie Sherry concerned with the Cost of Living crisis, the pair have been asking whether or not it would be possible to cancel the upcoming display and spend the money on something else instead. .

Cllr Knickers said “Many councils up and down the country are cancelling their Festival of Bangs and Pops to help save the world and in view of the fact that this Council has adopted my climate change emergency plan I don’t believe that we really should be sending stuff up into the atmosphere. We should cancel this event.”

Cllr Perry agreed, stating “Now that we’ve practically spent all the money in the council coffers and with the cost of everything rising, I’m sure we could find a better use for this £9,400. As Chair of the White Elephant Enclosure I am already privy to the inside information that the Smalltown Culture and Arts Manager (SCAM) will be putting in a request for a gold-plated stapler, which she says is essential to her wellbeing and ability to do her job, so I’m certain we could do far more with this sort of cash rather than burn it in mid-air. I strongly believe that we should burn it at ground level.

However, leader of the SaD BeFuddled Party, Cllr Banish Barracuda quietly countered their arguments saying “Now, now ladies. I agree with what you are saying, but it’s too late. Residents are expecting a Festival of Bangs and Pops, and we don’t really want to upset them, do we? Imagine the backlash. They may decide they don’t like us and that wouldn’t be very nice. Besides, I don’t think we will be able to get our deposit back.”

The Sisters Grimm have now sought assurances that this sort of hedonistic enjoyment will not take place in 2023 and so residents of Smalltown and Dullbridge are urged to attend the event this year before having fun is outlawed by SaD Town Council.

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