Smalltown Police spring into action

The sscene outside Chateau Park

Smalltown Police have confirmed that they were called to Chateau Park last night after receiving reports of anti-social behaviour.

“We attended an incident in Chateau Park at 21.39hrs last night, after receiving several reports on Monday evening from local residents, about late night noise and activity in the grounds”. A spokeshelmet said.

“We immediately deployed a task force to the area and our officers arrived promptly twenty-four hours later.

On arrival we discovered several groups of disgruntled pensioners, some of whom were visibly distressed, sat on the ground behind tables that they’d set up in the park. After a bit of a scuffle and, following the deployment of our tasers, we managed to apprehend them on suspicion of being disorderly in a public place. We then herded them into the back of our van, before taking them to the nearest police station, some 94 miles away.

Our subsequent enquiries have revealed that they arrived in Chateau Park early on Monday morning and set up their tables – many of which were loaded with alcoholic beverages which we have impounded as ‘evidence’. Several of them also erected protest banners reading ‘Tombola’ and ‘Lucky Dip’.

It would appear that they had all been offered a stall at the Mistress’ Chateau Park Bank Holiday Jamboree and Fate Worse Than Death (formerly known as the Incredibly Successful Hospital Fete) and had not received word from the organiser, Mistress Bones, that the event had been cancelled.

To compound their woe they had to sit on the grass because someone had taken all the chairs which are normally supplied by the event organisers.

We released them all without charge early this morning, pending further enquiries.

We have received a lead in relation to the missing chairs and believe that a Mr S. Teflon may be a person of interest with information which may assist us further with our enquiries into this matter. Members of the public are advised not to approach him but to call us on our dedicated Chaircrimebusterswatch hotline if they see him.”

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