With a distinct lack of news in Smalltown and Dullbridge we’ve had to resort to trawling the Internet for anything with a tenuous link to the area and, luckily for us, review site DripAdvisor came up trumps.
Reviews for Dontin’s Holiday Prison Camp in Bream are always guaranteed to be good for a laugh, as visitors only seem to look at reviews after they’ve returned from their holiday. Variously described as ‘absolutely awful’, ‘disgusting’ and ‘the worst experience of my life’, a trip to the camp is best summed up by the words of one reviewer – ‘Don’t’.
Meanwhile, a man from Bristol took to DripAdvisor to slam nearby Easton-under-Water for not being what was expected of the English Riviera.
“The sea at best resembles a sepsis, dark brown slurry of mud – hardly what we were expecting as The English Riviera.”
The man’s confusion between the Torquay area and Somerset”s coastline was later explained as it emerged he had inadvertently typed ‘English River Area’ into his satnav and had therefore found himdf in Easton soaking up the joys of an Estuary coast.
A reviewer who was expecting a nice day out by the seaside had the misfortune to end up in Smalltown.
“Visited Smalltown after travelling a long distance for a nice day out by the seaside. We were very disappointed by how dull and boring this resort is. There’s just one place – a Witherspoons – across from the sea front for a meal. There’s a few other little places along the road across from the seafront – a cafe and fish and chips restaurant.
The town centre is dull.
The sea is miles out and sand is ‘quick sand’ so not possible to walk towards it.”
Smalltown Leader of Usefulness and Tourism (SLUT), Ivor Bigg-Pocket hit back saying “Smalltown is NOT Dullbridge. It’s a great place to visit with lots to see and do, such as errrrm, well, let me think, no, can’t think of anything. Let’s just say it’s not Dullbridge.”