SomersetClive Editor, Clive Saint, continues his indepth pub crawl around the drinking establishments of Smalltown.
The Willow Arms
A massive chain pub selling cheap beer and beige food. Not as popular as it used to be, for some unaccountable reason (definitely not because all the older clients don’t go out anymore).
The toilets are award-winning and spotlessly clean perhaps because, in common with other Witherspoons establishments, they are so far away that it’s easier and closer for most people to use the council-provided facilities on Smalltown Promenade.
Customers can while away the hours by waiting to be served at the bar, watching the staff do their best to avoid eye contact.
Your choice from the extensive menu of meals-with-chips will be lovingly cooked to order by an army of catering staff. The head chef, sous chef, commis chef, patissier and poissonier all hold Level One NVQs in Electromagnetic Spectrum Operation and guarantee that your meal will be served to perfection or a rough approximation of it.
At its liveliest on Saturday afternoons during the holiday season, when the traditional tunes from the fruit machines meld with the lovely songs of the screaming children and the dramatic input of Sky News.