Sales of Albanian Whisky soar

Empty whisky shelves in LIDILS

Purveyors of the finest Albanian Whisky, LIDILS, are celebrating after sales of the drink rose through the roof.

Bottles are being snapped up as soon as they hit the shelves“, said a Spokesmiddleaisle, “We’ve been at a loss as to why it’s been so popular.”

SomersetClive can reveal that it’s all down to one man – Squire Teflon. The Squire has seen his consumption of the liquid increase rapidly over the last month as he alternates between commiserating with himself and celebrating.

An acquaintance of the Squire told us “It’s been a month of ups and downs for him. First he’s been having to console himself after losing control of Smalltown and Dullbridge (SaD) Town Council, closely followed by the ignominy of losing his title of ‘Most Popular Person kn Smalltown’ to Jock McCads, his plans for he and his close-friend Mistress Bones to get elected to the All-New-Yet-Unimproved Somerset Cuonty Council and thus claim a double income went seriously awry, then he’s practically lost a full set of dining room chairs (Vice, Acting and the WEE Vice Chair) and, rather than lead the recent Titanium Jubilee Parade around Smalltown, he was left on the sidelines holding a first aid kit.

His downfall has been spectacular and its no wonder that he’s been drowning his sorrows.

It hasn’t all been bad news. In recent weeks he’s been enjoying watching the new incumbents at Hayloft Road, all of whom (apart from Councillor McCads) have never set foot inside the council Chambers and therefore have absolutely no idea what is going on, make a complete hash of things.

He’s also been celebrating his success in selecting a new Smalltown Head Administration Manager (SHAM) who can’t take up the role for another two months, leaving the office in disarray, has been hiding all the pencils leading to the cancellation of meetings and most recently cut the telephone wires into Hayloft Road leading to a breakdown in communication between SaDTC and residents.

As he flits between the two contrasting moods and when he isn’t doing his paper round, he sits in his bedsit swigging Albanian Whisky like there’s no tomorrow.”

LIDILS has confirmed that supplies of Albanian Whisky are now on back order, but future sales will be limited to one bottle per person per day.

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